If you’re having issues in your work relationships, it’s essential to step back and take stock of your emotional intelligence. We interviewed Rikki Schwartz, Career Transition and Leadership Coach at Right Management, about emotional intelligence and how to develop it.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
According to Rikki, the formal definition for emotional intelligence, or EQ, is defined as “the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions. When we can understand and manage our own emotions, we can use them in positive ways. We can use them to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.”
Four attributes define emotional intelligence. These attributes include controlling impulsive feelings and behaviors, being aware of your own emotions and how they’re affecting your thoughts at the time, and knowing how to develop and maintain good relationships. The fourth one is social awareness.
Why is EQ important?
According to New York Times science journalist Daniel Goleman, you won’t get very far in your career without high emotional intelligence. If you don’t have self-awareness, if you’re unable to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, you won’t get very far no matter how smart you are.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just necessary to not alienate people when we’re mad. When used correctly, you can build stronger relationships, succeed in school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals.
Rikki stressed that EQ is important because “it helps you connect with your feelings. It also allows you to turn intention into action. Without high EQ, we waffle and procrastinate because we haven’t learned how to turn our intentions into action. EQ also helps you make informed decisions.”
How do you develop your EQ
There are four great ways to develop your EQ: stress management, responding instead of reacting to conflict, utilizing active listening, and getting an accountability partner.
Stress Management
Stress management helps you understand where your stress is coming from and what’s driving it. Rikki shared, “A great way to measure your stress levels is by taking a saboteur assessment. The saboteur assessment asks you a concise number of questions, and in the end, you find out how your brain is sabotaging you in ways you might never have imagined.”
Responding to Conflict
The second way to develop your EQ is to practice responding instead of reacting to conflict, which can be challenging. Don’t make impulsive decisions because those lead to more significant problems. Instead, understand that the goal will always be a positive resolution in times of conflict.
Practicing Active Listening
The third one, according to Rikki, is one which most people don’t think of and we all suck at–utilize active listening skills. “We listen, but in our minds, we’re just trying to figure out what we’re going to say next. So instead, don’t talk, let them talk, and ask questions instead of giving your opinion. This takes a lot of practice.”
Find an Accountability Partner
Our final tip is to get yourself an accountability partner. You need to have an honest accountability partner who’s willing to call you out when you’re behaving badly. “I think an even better response would have been this,” and then you do the same thing for them. As part of this planned verbal ventilation, tell them what you did, what you wanted to do, and what you should have done. It’s that person’s responsibility to say, “let’s step back; I think I would recommend this, this, or this.” Having accountability partners is great for work, home, family–it’s a solid tool for growth. Find someone you trust and get into the practice of hearing, critiquing, and changing your behavior in ways that develop your EQ.