#WorkMomSays growth feels like garbage — and that’s exactly how you know it’s working.
In this solo episode, Lori Jo Vest gets real about one of the most important — and most avoided — truths in professional and personal development: discomfort is not the enemy. It’s the entry fee.
Drawing from her own experience joining an ad agency creative department at 48 years old with no idea how agency life worked, and from raising a son she deliberately pushed into uncomfortable situations.
This episode is especially for anyone in their 20s who is still learning that the people who avoid discomfort are the same people who can’t hold a job, struggle in relationships, and never quite get where they want to go.
Themes Discussed in This Episode
Episode Highlights
Top Quotes
0:11 — “Growth feels like garbage. It’s horrible. If it felt good, everybody would be doing it.”
0:11 —“Avoiding discomfort is one of the most damaging things you can do to your relationships and your career.”
5:30 — “Instead of looking at something that might happen that could be bad and creating anxiety in your body, swap that out with curiosity.”
7:18 — “Discomfort is a rep. The more reps you do, the stronger the muscle.”
13:00 — “Discomfort is not the enemy of a good life. It’s the entry fee.”
13:42 — “Comfortable people don’t have origin stories. Comfortable people are not at the top of the success ladder.”
Transcript
Lori: You know what? Nobody tells you when they hire you, or when you get out of college, or when you’re starting a new project — growth feels like garbage. It’s horrible. If it felt good, everybody would be doing it. So the people that are not successful, that can’t hold a job, that have difficulties in relationships — those are people who do not like to be uncomfortable and avoid it. In reality, avoiding discomfort is one of the most damaging things you can do to your relationships and your career.
Lori: We are wired, unfortunately, to avoid discomfort. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between that scary email from a coworker that’s not happy with you and a saber-toothed tiger. It has no idea. So it immediately goes into protection mode and causes you to not want to act, or to bring up your trauma response — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. When you find yourself doing those things because you’re uncomfortable, push through it. In work situations, you will not die from discomfort.
Lori: There’s a lie that’s told out there about waiting until you’re ready. You will never be ready — and guess what, that’s okay. Ask any parent of a two or three year old: did you feel like you were ready when you had kids? None of us are ever ready for the levels of discomfort that great big change can bring. You’ve got to jump anyway.
1:14 Lori: I’ll tell you a little story. I was hired by an advertising agency at 48 years old to join a creative department and work on some Kimberly-Clark brands. I was like a fish out of water. I was like an alien on another planet. I was so uncomfortable because everybody there was just so cool and so funny and so smart, and I didn’t feel like I fit in. I had no idea how an agency worked — the hierarchy, how you get things done. You can’t go directly to the person that does the job, or you’ll get in trouble. How did I learn that? I got in trouble. Lori: I took a job I knew I was qualified for, but I had no idea how to do once I got into the building. I felt like everybody was so much smarter than me. It was pretty stressful. But while I was feeling all that imposter syndrome, nobody around me gave me any indication that they didn’t have full confidence in my abilities. Lori: Looking back, I can see all that discomfort lasted for about six months. After six months, I was in that position for about six years. I felt so comfortable and so good. I grew, I stretched, I learned so much. So discomfort does not equal danger. There’s a huge difference between “this is uncomfortable because I’m growing” and “this is uncomfortable because something is actually wrong.”
4:59 Lori: Gut-check those questions when they come up. In most cases, your discomfort will come from “I don’t know how to do this yet.” If it comes from somebody misbehaving — if somebody is hitting on you, if somebody is being abusive in the workplace, if you’re working for a narcissist — that is not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the day-to-day discomfort that comes from trying and doing new things, or growing your thought processes. Lori: One of the things you may need to do in a work environment is learn to listen. Every one of us has gone into a meeting thinking we know the answer. And you go in with three or four other people, and they all have their own ideas, and you have to open up. You have to let go of your ego. You have to be open-minded and work toward a solution that works for everybody.
Lori: Stay curious. Instead of creating anxiety in your body over what could happen if you don’t do something correctly, swap that out with curiosity. What could happen if I learned how to do this? What could happen if I had support from my team? What could happen if I leapt into this situation and did my very best? Lori: Sometimes your body will lie to you. You’ll walk into a situation, and the fear impulse comes — your whole body gets cold — but you’re not going to die. The three people in that room waiting for you for that meeting are not tigers. They’re not going to kill you. Look at discomfort as a sign of growth, and that will help you lean into it and grow faster.
7:18 Lori: The payoff when you lean into discomfort: when you practice being okay with that little bit of anxiety that tells you “I don’t know how to do this and everybody’s going to know” — when you lean into that instead of backing away — send the email, speak up in the meeting, ask for the raise, do the hard workout, have that awkward conversation. Consider that a rep, like going to the gym. Discomfort is a rep. The more reps you do, the stronger the muscle.
8:00 Lori: My son is 27 now. Love him to pieces — he’s a great big human, about six-three. He told me as an adult how much of a difference it made that I pushed him into discomfort as a child. Lori: A couple of things I used to do. I taught him how to advocate for himself. For example, we’d pick up pizza, and he’d say he wanted chips and a soft drink — that’s what we call a pop in the Midwest. I’d say, great, go ahead and go in and get them. He’s eight or ten years old. “Mom, I don’t want to do it. I’m not comfortable.”
9:24 Lori: If you want the chips and the soft drink, you will go in and get it. And he would go in and get it. The other thing I used to do: when he wanted to do something or go somewhere and I’d said no, I would allow him to advocate for himself — to tell me why he thought I should reconsider. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes I’d say, “You’re right, go ahead.” Other times I’d say, “Nope, still don’t agree.” But I always allowed him the chance to advocate for himself. Lori: He said that’s a huge difference between what he sees out in the world with his friends — that people don’t know how to advocate for themselves. They have a fear of going into a situation with the boss. The boss says you can’t have the vacation you scheduled three weeks ago, and a lot of people just go, “Oh, well.” If you push yourself past the discomfort of speaking up for yourself, you may get that vacation. Odds are you will. I’d say eight times out of ten you will get what you want if you have a sound reason and approach the conversation from a place of curiosity.
11:30 Lori: Here’s a little tough love. There is a huge conversation online about self-care, and yes — self-care is so important. We need to give ourselves time to regroup after a difficult situation. We need rest when we’ve worked really hard. But self-care can actually get in your way if it turns into self-avoidance: “I don’t feel good about that, so I’m not doing it.” That might work in situations that are actually not safe. But if it’s a project you don’t want to work on because you’re uncomfortable, and you push back and don’t do it — that’s a whole different situation. Discomfort is not a lack of self-care. Lori: Think of it as building resilience. If you can be more resilient than the next person, you’re going to be able to weather the storm, get the job when things are difficult, and solve problems. A lot of things open up when you don’t let every little thing knock you over.
13:00 Lori: Put on your big girl pants. Discomfort is a part of life, and it’s okay. It’s not the enemy of a good life. It’s the entry fee. If you want to be a successful person — have the job you really love, have the boss who treats you well — the entry fee is some discomfort. I really love the phrase “get comfortable being uncomfortable,” because that challenges you: is it really discomfort, or is it a little anxiety? And if it’s a little anxiety, push past it.
13:42 Lori: Pick one uncomfortable thing to do this week. One thing you’ve been avoiding — whether it’s a conversation, a task, or something that just makes you uncomfortable — and just do it. Then see how you feel afterwards. When it’s over, maybe you’ve had a really positive outcome to something you were really afraid of. It can happen. A lot of times it will.
Lori: Here’s my sign-off: comfortable people don’t have origin stories. Comfortable people are not at the top of the success ladder. Go be uncomfortable, and I’ll be here to hear about it when you’re done. Reach out to me on LinkedIn. And if you’re watching on YouTube, please subscribe, give me a like, maybe a comment — so I can bring this helpful information to more people, so they can learn how to play the emotional contact sport of business and experience a whole lot less drama and a whole lot more success.
Who Is Our Ideal Listener?
This podcast is for young professionals who want to learn to play the emotional contact sport of
business and experience less drama and more success.
How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re
responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that
what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What Value Can People Get From Listening to This Podcast?
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships
that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive
relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful
when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness,
sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful
mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom.
Why Do I Do This? A Few More Words From Work Mom
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t
really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face
at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.