You know how some people can just really push your buttons? Sending you into a roiling pit of pissed-offedness with a single comment, or worse, an email cc’ed to the entire team about something you missed? UGH.
It happens. You will experience anger at work. And you will want to slam together a seething email back. You may even want to “confront” the person in their boss’s office. Or maybe just gossip about it to a coworker. (Misery loves company, right?)
Should you do any of those things? Probably not.
First things first, when this kind of thing happens - here’s what you do.
Sit on your hands. Period. Sit on your hands for AT LEAST 20 minutes. Ponder the situation. Or not. Do something else to take your mind off what’s upset you. Or not. Set a timer if you need to. Or don’t. But don’t do anything related to the situation that’s got you miffed for AT LEAST 20 minutes.
That 20 minutes gives your body time to calm down. While we humans like to think that we’re purely intellectual, in reality, we’re biological beings, beset with biological traits that were developed back in our neanderthal days. Our brains can go into “fight, flight, or freeze” modes when we feel threatened, even if the threat is only a snarky comment from a harmless coworker.
Even the smallest perceived threat leads our bodies to flood with hormones that better prepare our bodies to fight, flee or freeze to the best of our abilities. Giving that flood of hormones the time it takes to calm down allows us to respond with logic, rather than reacting with emotion.
Then, when the 20 minutes are done, look back at the situation and consider what end result would be best for everyone involved. Then, and only then, should you take appropriate action.