How to recognize the red flags of narcissistic bosses.

Have you found yourself wondering if your boss is a narcissist? If so, you’ve come to the right place. In our latest episode, we interviewed Heather Coleman-Voss, a Trauma-informed Career Coach. We chatted about narcissistic bosses, how to recognize the red flags, and when to get out. 

Red Flag 1: Love Bombing

The first red flag to look out for is love bombing. The formal definition of love bombing is defined as “a common pattern of abusive behavior in which a person shows excessive affection and attention as a way of manipulating someone in a relationship.” You may recoginze love bombing in the context of romantic relationships, but it can be so common in the workplace. 

According to Coleman-Voss, love bombing can start from the very beginning. In a toxic workplace, a new boss will be excessively complimentary during the job interview and as soon as you’re hired. 

According to Heather, it’s important to watch out for language like “I’m so glad I’m the one who made the decision to hire you because you’re phenomenal.” Compliments like this are more about them and the ways that you make them look good. 

Your boss might be a narcissist if they trash talk the person who used to hold your new position. For example, watch out for language like, “the person that was in this role before was terrible. And I’m so glad that we got you because they were just awful.” Heather also emphasized, “If you hear the senior leadership trash talking people on the team in front of other team members, it’s a really good indicator that there is some crazy toxic energy. That is absolutely inappropriate.”

Red Flag 2: Micromanaging

If your boss constantly micromanages you, you may be dealing with a narcissist. If you’re in a position of influence, a leader should lead from behind. They let the team lead, and they’re there to support them and prop them up. 

In comparison, a narcissistic manager is probably going to be a micromanager. They will be telling people on their team that they know more than they do, even though they literally have no idea how to do their jobs. They will step in when it’s inappropriate, make poor decisions, and then when it doesn’t work out, blame it on the person they shoved aside. If this sounds like your boss, they are probably a narcissist.

Red Flag 3: Boundary Stretching

The last major red flag to watch out for with narcissistic bosses is boundary stretching. If you start receiving urgent texts and emails at 9 or 10 o’clock at night, or on a Saturday or on a vacation day, that’s done purposefully. They are trying to see how much control they can exert over you. When you set a boundary with a narcissistic boss, the very first thing a narcissist is going to do is come after you harder. 

Heather gave a great example of boundary setting that she uses with her clients. “For example, I tell my clients, please don’t text me during the day because just like when I’m with you, I don’t want to be distracted,” said Heather. “I don’t look at my text messages during the day, but you can email me.” 

According to Heather, a narcissist would push against your boundaries and say, “But I’m more comfortable texting, and I thought I was more important to you than that, right?” On the other hand, somebody who is healthy would simply accept your boundaries. 

If you recognize any (or all) of these behaviors, your boss might just be a narcissist. To learn more about dealing with narcissistic bosses and when to get out, you can find Heather on her website.