Themes discussed in this episode

• How Greg became the Reluctant Networker
• Networking has become the family business
• In-person vs online networking
• 3 components of networking
• How to properly network online
• How to properly network in person
• Intergenerational networking is the best!
• LinkedIn networking
• Networking is about human connection

Featured Guest

Expert Guest: Greg Peter

Title: The Reluctant Networker

What He Does: Greg Peters coaches individuals, trains staff, and presents to associations and other groups on developing skills and systems to build better connections and stronger networks. 

Connect: You can find him on LinkedIn. Learn more on his website. Check out his book, Hello and a Handshake.

Episode Highlights

Timestamped inflection points from the show

5:00 – Reluctant Networker Origin Story: Greg built his web development business by becoming a successful networker. When he decided to change careers, a friend encouraged him to teach people how he grew his business! And the Reluctant Networker was born!
6:00 – Family business: Greg’s primary role is speaking engagements, while his mom brings the training aspect.
7:00 – In-person vs. online networking: Virtual networking allows you to connect with people all over the world, but we still lose a bit of that connection when we aren’t in person.
9:30 – Partner Networking: If done correctly, partner networking is HIGHLY effective.
11:00 – The 3 Components of Networking: 1. Know who you are and what you do. 2. Develop your relationships. 3. Be prepared when people want to help you
19:00 – Online networking: When you’re put into networking breakout rooms, act like you’re the host. Others will be grateful that you took charge.
22:00 – Networking in person: Have a specific goal when you walk in.
28:00 – LinkedIn networking: You have to participate and engage. Limit the number of groups you’re in because you can only actively invest in three at the most. Otherwise, you’re not making quality connections.
33:40 – Networking across generations: You don’t network with a group. You network with individuals. So even if they’re a different generation, social status, or gender, treat everyone like a fellow human being and it’ll be that much easier.

Top Quotes

5:00 – Lori: If you create a career for yourself and 20 years later decide you don’t want to do it anymore, it’s allowed. You can make a change.
8:00 – Greg: That little bit of a connection loss is more than made up for by all the benefits we gain from being able to connect with people all over the world.
10:00: Greg – A lot of people have this misconception that, okay, I’m going to show up with my friend Lori and the two of us are going to talk. But that’s not effective. If you’re going to do that, just go to a coffee shop. Don’t go to a networking event. You are there to support each other. And there are different techniques and strategies you can use. But at the very minimum, walking around together and then having one introduce the other, just makes things so much smoother.
14:30—Greg: If we make it about us, the people we’re talking with will feel it. They’ll know they’re being sized up. But if you make it about them, about being of service to them, about developing that longer-term relationship, that’s where the strength of a network is. It’s in building those connections over time.
16:00 – Lori: Don’t make people burn a lot of mental calories trying to figure out what you do and who you serve.
17:00 – Greg: You might keep it as simple as, hey, I would love to connect on LinkedIn. Can we go ahead and do that? Or it might be, would you be willing to read the most recent article I sent out and give me some feedback? Or it could be I am looking for leaders in particular industries. Can you connect me with them to bring on my podcast?
20:30 – Lori: If you’re in your 20s and you go to a networking event, don’t feel like your lack of experience means you shouldn’t actively participate. Because when you participate, the older people in the crowd always want to support the young people.
22:30 – Greg: If you know that your goal is to meet two people that you have not yet met, make a connection, and possibly even schedule a follow-up coffee, those are specific goals. Once you are done with your specific goal, you can reward yourself. But the idea is to know why you’re there and have a specific goal in mind of what you’re trying to achieve.
25:45 – Lori: The energy and enthusiasm of intergenerational networking is a big thing for me. I think there’s so much to be said for knowing people in every age range and having friends and associates in every age range because it’ll contribute to your success. It just will.
30:30 – Lori: When people do have a business need or know somebody who does have a business need with something that you create or provide, they’re going to think about you. Because not only do they know who you are, but they know that you’re out there making stuff happen.
34:00 – Greg: We connect as human beings. And so any conversations we have should be about our human experience. That’s how we connect, regardless of the barriers of social strata.
36:00 – Lori: Drop the labels and just look at it as making a friend, making a connection, creating a strong, positive relationship. And you’re not going to do that with everybody. It’s not going to always be a fit. But in a lot of cases, you’ll find something you have in common.
38:00 – Greg: Your success in every aspect of your life is directly connected to how well you have created your network. The lone wolf doesn’t survive.

Links

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

Transcript

00:00

Lori: Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I am the host of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today, we’re going back to that topic that we could probably revisit again and again and again for young professionals because it’s a tough one, and that is networking.

So we entitled this podcast episode Reluctant Networkers Unite, because our guest today is a gentleman that I actually met at a networking event probably 10 or 15 years ago. It’s been a while, Greg, right? It’s been a while. Greg Peters. 

1:00 

And he had… Right out of the gate, he just made an impression on me that I’ve never forgotten, calling himself the reluctant networker, he trains people and helps people learn how to get the most out of networking for business. Even if you’re the most introverted, anxious human being there is, Greg’s got something for you. 

So Greg, tell us a little bit about yourself and your company. You mentioned when we were prepping for this podcast that there were some serious changes that happened with COVID. And we’d also love to hear about your book. So how did you get into this business? So you want that all in like two or three minutes, right? Take your time. We got all the time in the world. 

Greg: All right. Well, let’s see. I mean, it’s funny because when I meet people at networking events and I tell them I’m the reluctant networker, they say, well, you don’t seem very reluctant. Well, that’s who I was and who I help. Yeah, because there’s a lot of people who are reluctant about the whole networking thing. 

2:00

And, you know, so much of it now is really it’s just a series of processes. And once you learn them, it’s just a learned skill set. And so I actually started my company I was a, I worked for the University of Michigan as a computer programmer. Yes. With all the social skills that that implies. We know about that. 

We were lured out of our offices for, with donuts on Wednesday mornings, just because, you know, we’re, we’re not social creatures, but I decided I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I’m sure you can see the Cape blowing in the wind now.

Lori: Um, You were innocent. You were optimistic. 

Greg: What’s the word? An idiot. An optimistic idiot. Optimistic, yes. Unrealistically optimistic. 

When you start a business, someone should tell you that you’re the one responsible for getting the business. I discovered very quickly that if you aggressively wait by the phone, nothing happens.

3:00

Lori: —nothing at all.

Greg: So I decided I could either try the cold calling, which just seemed like a recipe for instant rejection, or I could learn how to do this networking thing. Yeah. And at the time, my mom was actually teaching a class on networking. And so I took the class and ask me if I got the family discount. 

Lori: No. Did you?

Greg: I did not. Uh, my mom’s, uh, I think she’s very much as firm a work mom as you. I paid full price because I had, that’s how you, you’ve got, you’ve got a flesh in the game. So I learned and I read books and I tried things and I, I slowly got better, uh, to the point that I decided to leave my job at the University of Michigan and go full time on my business.

4:00

Lori: Nice. 

Greg: And, uh, that went well. Unfortunately, that was right around 2007. If you remember that time period, that was when we had the Great Recession. It was tough. It was a really tough time. But the cool thing was that because I built my business on networking, my business actually grew. 

Lori: That makes sense. 

Greg: It actually grew like 50% per year. It got to the point in 2009 that I had more work coming in than I could get done. 

Lori: That’s amazing. Exactly what kind of work were you doing?

Greg: I was doing web development. This was back in the day that anybody could open up a web development business and just do it. But I never really wanted anybody working for me. So I was trying to get the work all done myself. 

And it was one night, I still remember it now, it was 3 o’clock in the morning. And I’m trying to get the work done. And 3 o’clock, 3 a.m. is probably the loneliest time. that exists. There’s no one’s awake, you know, my entire house is asleep. And I had been a computer programmer for 20 years and I suddenly realized I don’t want to do this anymore. Yeah. This is not making me happy. 

5:00

Lori: Yeah. Well, let me jump in here as a work mom. This is a sidebar. Okay. If you create a career for yourself and 20 years later decide you don’t want to do it anymore, you’re, it’s allowed, right? In that career, you can make a change and Greg is going to tell you how, right? 

Greg: Well, you know, the funny thing was the next day I was meeting with a friend of mine from the chamber, Cheryl O’Brien, and I was complaining to her about my revelation of the night before. And she listened for a while as good friends will. And then she said, did you ever think of teaching people how you grew your business? 

Lori: There you go. 

Greg: It was at that moment that the Reluctant Networker was born. A few years later, my mom and I combined our businesses, so we became Third-Generation Networking. 

6:00

Lori: I love that. I love that part of the story. It’s such a great part of the story that you and your mom have a family business now. 

Greg: And honestly, my wife is, we are all partners, but my wife is the managing partner. So women in my life boss me around from morning to night. 

Lori: And you don’t mind. It doesn’t seem like you mind a bit. 

No, I have learned through my life that yes, dear works very well. So that’s how we kind of came to, we hit the beginning COVID and that was challenging. My primary part of my business is speaking. I go to associations and businesses and I present the concepts of networking to them. The part of my business my mom brought in was the training aspect. 

Well, we were in the middle of two in-person training programs in Toledo and Cleveland. These are 10 week long programs. And suddenly we had the first week and then March 13th, March 13th, 2020. And we had to do some fast moving to get everything online.

7:00

 And so we started training online and we also had to learn how do you network online? Because back then we just didn’t have that. So it was a little bit of a learning curve for all involved. But I think people have gotten better at producing online networking programs and we have gotten better at attending them. 

Lori: Yes, we have. And I think it’s changed some things for the better because things that didn’t used to be global can now be global. I’m in a masterminds group and we’ve got somebody in Germany and somebody in Denmark and somebody in California and somebody in Australia. And we meet once a week for an hour. And it’s awesome because I never would have had that type of global network without that, you know, necessarily being available. 

8:00

Greg: Oh, virtual provides so many benefits that, you know, yes, there is, there’s a slight benefit to being in person. There’s just some aspect of, and you and I were talking about it earlier, is where do you look on the screen? Do you look at the person or do you look at the camera? Because then you’re not back and forth. So there’s a little bit of that weird body, but we’ve gotten used to it that people aren’t looking directly at our eyes virtually. And that’s okay. 

But that little bit of a loss, I think, is more than made up for by all the benefits we gain from being able to connect with people, as you put it, all over the world. 

Lori: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So now tell me about your book. It’s called Hello and a Handshake. 

9:00

Greg: Hello and a Handshake. Yeah, it’s basically all the little techniques I had to learn to be successful going to a networking event. Got it. Everything from just sort of the mindset we need to have walking in to techniques on how to start up conversations, what groups we should be looking for, how to have goals, even how to partner network, how to go in with someone else and not spend all our time talking to that other person. 

Lori: I’m not sure if I should share what I do or not. 

Greg: Always, always. I’ll be writing it down and adding it to the next book. 

Lori: Partner networking. Oh my gosh, it’s so fun. I always like to find some really funny or interesting fact about the person that I’m with that we can say, oh, I’m Lori and I’m Cary. And by the way, Cary has five daughters. And then that gets the conversation going about Cary and his five daughters and his wife that he lives with. Talk about being the minority in the household. 

Greg: But you’ve described exactly what you’re supposed to do with partner networking. A lot of people have this misconception that, okay, I’m going to show up with my friend Lori and the two of us are going to talk. But that’s not effective. 

10:00

If you’re going to do that, just go to a coffee shop. Don’t go to a networking event. You are there to support each other. And there are different techniques and strategies you can use. But at the very minimum, walking around together and then having one introduce the other, it just makes things so much smoother. 

Lori: And I can sing your praises much more naturally than you can sing your own praises, right? Oh, yes. That’s a part of it. But I have to tell you the other thing I used to do to my girlfriend, Vula, who I love with my whole heart. Vula, she’s Greek and that’s a nickname for Paraskevi. So I would say, oh, meet Vula, but that’s not her real name. And then I would just stand back and the whole conversation would just go on its own. And then we’d be, everybody would be comfortable and laughing and she thought it was funny and it was super fun. 

So, I mean, I really do think having a networking partner is, that you go with to events is a fabulous idea. Such a great way to do it. 

Greg: Oh, and actually, I think I’ve met, I think I’ve met her. I think I met her actually at that event where you spoke and I was in the audience. 

11:00

Lori: I may have said Vula Praskovy. Pronouncing it, I’m sure I’m butchering the pronunciation, but. It’s very possible that we were together that day. It’s been a while. So moving along, I really liked how on your website, Thereluctantnetworker.com, there’s no the in front of it, right? 

Greg: No, mine is thereluctantnetworker.com. 

Lori: Thereluctantnetworker.com. Okay. On Greg’s website, he discusses the three components of networking. Tell us about those and share a little bit about each of them. The first one is knowing who you are and what you do. 

Greg: Yeah, know who you are and what you are trying to achieve. That’s really kind of fundamental to almost any aspect of business. If you don’t know who you are and who you serve, then you don’t know where to network. You can’t network everywhere. So you need to know who you’re serving so you can either network with them or you can network with those who serve them. 

12:00

And the second one is better. Because if you’re networking with your customer or whoever you’re targeting, then they kind of know they’re being targeted. But if you are networking with those who serve them, then you can create strategic partnerships where you are helping each other, where you’re providing referrals and recommendations for each other. 

Lori: That’s the best. I mean, a referral network. And I find it doesn’t usually have to be formal. If you keep putting yourself in places, like, for example, we have a digital marketing shop. We network with the SEO guys because the SEO guys are doing beautiful websites, but they need the words and the pictures to go in those websites. So we network with them and we refer each other. And before you know it, you’ve got just a nice network of referral partners. 

13:00

I used to like to become… the resource. So people would call me as when I was in sales, when people called me for something completely unrelated to what I did, I loved it because it basically meant that they considered me a resource hub. And that is one of the best ways to network is to know a ton of people. And it kind of happens naturally with networking, don’t you think?

Greg: Yes. In fact, that’s one of the one of the things you should always be doing when it comes to networking is you are building your network to be of service to your network. And the more you do it, the more value you bring, the more people are going to want to be in contact with you, the more likely they are to know when they need to connect you with opportunity.

Lori:  Yeah, absolutely. So that gets us to the second point of these three components, which is develop the relationships. Somebody that might not do what you do or might not do what your clients do could be such a great person for you to know, right?

14:00

Greg: It really is true. I mean, there’s a number of aspects to this, but the first thing is we kind of have to approach networking with sort of a split personality. We have to know who we are and what we are trying to achieve so we know where to go. We have to be strategic about that, get in the right place. After that, though, it has to be about them and not about us.

Because if we make it about about us, the people we’re talking with, they’ll feel it. They’ll know they’re being sized up. But if you’re making it about them, about being of service to them, about developing that longer term relationship, that’s where the strength of a network is. It’s in building those connections over time. 

Lori: Yep. And then you won’t be that person that’s always like in the middle of the conversation going like this, trying to see who else is there that they should be talking to instead of you.

15:00

Greg: Oh, don’t even get me started on that. I was at an event one time where there was a gentleman who literally was looking over, just as you said, looking over my shoulder. It’s bad enough when they stop you in mid-sentence to go and talk to someone else. He stopped himself in mid-sentence to go talk to someone else. It’s like, okay, I guess I’ll go find someone else to talk to.

Lori: I can’t roll my eyes hard enough at that one. So you know who you are, what you do, and why you’re there. You’re working on developing those relationships, and then you get the benefits. That’s part three. 

Greg: Part three is about getting the benefits. And for this, it’s important that we just be prepared. You know, at almost any level of connection, there are going to be people who want to help you. And they’ll come right out and say, how can I help you? You need to be ready for that.

Because the worst, I hear people say all the time, oh, I don’t know. well, guess what? You’re not going to get any results out of that. Or just send me anyone who needs my stuff. They, you know, the person you’re talking to has got their own life to live and they don’t have time to figure out your life and your business. 

16:00

You need to be specific so that when they ask how they can help, you can give them something real because otherwise, otherwise the words you’re going to hear next are, I’ll keep you in mind. and that’s true. Until they walk out of the coffee shop. Yeah, and never see you again.

Lori: I call that burning mental calories. Don’t make people burn a lot of mental calories trying to figure out what you do and who you serve.

Greg: I love that. That is great. That is perfect. Yes, it’s exactly what it is. They don’t have any extra mental calories to burn on you. So make it as easy and clear as possible. And that might mean you need to have a list of possible things you could ask for. 

17:00 

You might keep it as simple as, hey, I would love to connect on LinkedIn. Can we go ahead and do that? Or it might be, would you be willing to read the most recent article I sent out and give me some feedback? Or it could be, I am looking for leaders in particular industries. Can you connect me with them to bring on my podcast? 

Anything you ask for, You know, I might, if I know someone well enough, you know, and I know, say, for example, I’m talking with a financial advisor and I know they’re part of the financial advisors association. I might say, could you introduce me to someone in leadership at your association? Because I’m looking to speak. 

Lori: Yep. There you go. So you’re bringing us to another point. You talked about networking on Zoom. It is very different. I always really enjoy it when you’re maybe at a longer meeting, like say it’s an hour long and they put you into breakout rooms. So you get to know people individually. I wish everybody did that because it’s so effective and you can really get, I find a lot of women will go deep right away in those conversations because that’s what we do. 

18:00

But how is it different? What is it about networking on Zoom that sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s harder than in person? 

Greg: Well, I mean, first is the challenge that we have people that, that don’t make the effort, for lack of better words. They show up and they don’t turn on their camera. They don’t have their microphone on. I mean, that’s the equivalent of standing outside the door at an in-person. 

Lori: Standing out in the hallway at the chamber event. 

Greg: And so much of our visual, so much of our brain is dedicated to visual input. So if I don’t see your face if I can’t see the expressions you’re making, I can’t detect any body language, then I kind of turn off from that.

19:00

The other challenge is people who are trying to, well, multitask. You know, they’re on, but they’re not really. They’re, you know, especially, you know, if I see someone who’s looking off to the side over here, I mean, like, are you really? Is there a camera over there? Or are you not aware of where your camera is? Or are you doing, you know, at least put it up in, you know, put your email up in front of the camera so that you can look like you’re looking at it. Exactly. 

Lori: Though you can still tell because they’re like looking up and down. 

Greg: Exactly. I mean, it’s the equivalent of someone who, you know, goes to a… in-person meeting and sticks their phone on the table. Yeah. That’s, that’s telling me that you’re probably not entirely focused here right now. 

Lori: You’re not going to make any connections.

Greg:  No. And I would say that, you know, for those situations where you’re in a breakout, take charge. Yeah. Pretend you’re the host. And just, if they don’t, okay. If they’ve, if they’ve got someone who’s already taking charge, let it go. But most of the time, You know, everybody just kind of sits there and looks at each other for the first five minutes and it’s uncomfortable.

20:00

 But if you decide to just become the ringleader, if you become the host of the situation and say, hey, Laurie, you know, we were given this question. Why don’t you go ahead and start? Yeah. You know, it puts that one person a little bit on the spot, but most people are grateful that someone has taken charge. 

Lori: Absolutely. And another work mom sidebar, because we’re speaking to young professionals. One of the things that I really want the young people to understand is if you’re in your 20s, especially like maybe just out of college or mid 20s, and you go to a networking event or let me tell you, don’t feel like your lack of experience means you shouldn’t actively participate. Because when you participate, the older people in the crowd always want to support the young people. 

Am I right, Greg? Always. Always. When I see a 22- or 23-year-old at an event and they’re bold enough to be there early in their career like that, I’m like, come here. It means that they’re leaders. Because most people right out of college find it very difficult to put yourself in a networking environment and actively participate. Do it. It’s really not that hard. And what can you lose? 

21:00

Greg: Yeah. I mean, that’s a challenge, I think. I’ve spoken to college students and even some high school students, and they’re like, well, what do I have to offer? You have the gift of attention, first of all. Most of the people who are my age and older who are going to networking events, they’re already successful. What they’re hoping for is to leave a legacy to help and support. 

If you can pay attention and listen to them and listen to the lessons they’re trying to convey and get back to them, tell them, hey, you know, I tried that thing you suggested the other day, and this worked. My wife is amazing at this. She connects with people and then asks for their advice. Why not? You are paying someone one of the highest compliments if you can ask an intelligent question and get their advice.

Lori: Absolutely. Can you give us a couple of tips for networking in person rather than online? Pick whatever speaks to you. 

22:00

Greg: Well, you know, it’s funny because I’m a little hard of hearing. And so for me, online is so much easier because I can just hear. Yeah, that makes sense. With respect to one of the things I would always recommend with either of them, but especially with in-person, is to know what you’re trying to achieve walking in. Have a very specific goal in mind. 

Because if you just walk in and network, whatever that means to you, there’s a good chance you’re going to get to the end and feel, Oh, well, that was a wasted effort. Yeah. But if you walk in knowing where the finish line is, if you know that your goal is to meet two people that you have not yet met, And make a connection and possibly even schedule a follow-up coffee. I mean, those are specific goals. 

Then once you are done with your specific goal, you can go visit the buffet counter. You can go and chat with people you’ve already met. You can reward yourself. But the idea is to know why you’re there and have a specific goal in mind of what you’re trying to achieve. 

23:00

Lori: And if you’re so-called… Don’t be afraid to be bold in those goals. We were talking right before this recording that my first boss out of college was just this wonderful man, David E. Laster. I’ve always mentioned him because he’s just, he taught me everything I know about sales. And I was very green and very sassy when I was 22 or 23 years old and worked for him. 

And, and he, at one point, he would, he was so funny. He’d say, well, Laurie, you know, I know you’re going to this Adcraft Club meeting this evening. And I also know that Marcy Brogan is going to be there. And Marcy Brogan owned her own ad agency and she was another woman in business. And he knew if I sat next to her that she would want to help me because that’s what people do. 

24:00

And so he’d say, I’d be really disappointed if I find out tomorrow that you didn’t sit right next to her. And then he’d smile at me and walk away and it would be like, oh, no. But sure enough, the next morning I’d come in and say I sat next to Marcy Brogan and add to that I developed a relationship with her. And to that, got a huge account from her agency, which I never would have gotten had he not pushed me to be bold. 

I mean, he just like walked away so he’d be disappointed. And I took that as a challenge and sat next to her. And because I was like 23 just out of college, I stood out. Maybe like a sore thumb, but I stood out. And she was really interested. Like she met with me. It was amazing. So don’t negate your experience in the industry that you’re in. Just know people will want to help you. You know, I find that. Don’t you find that?

25:00

Greg: Yeah. And I would even go further than that is realize that you may actually still have information that they don’t. I mean, especially technology is moving so quickly these days. Yeah. I mean, you talk about AI and social media and all these. There are people who have been in the business who just I mean, it’s moving past them. I was a technologist. I was a computer programmer. Yeah. And things are moving faster than I can keep up with. 

So you don’t think you don’t have valuable information just because we’ve not been out there for a long time. You probably have had more in touch with new technologies than the person you’re talking with.

Lori: Yeah. And the energy and enthusiasm of intergenerational networking is a big thing for me. I think there’s so much to be said for knowing people in every age range and having friends and associates in every age range because it’ll contribute to your success. It just will.

But okay, so let’s look at networking on LinkedIn. I’m a big, big LinkedIn networker. I love LinkedIn. I’m on there all the time. We’ve started doing lives. Super fun. What do you think best ways to network are on LinkedIn? 

26:00 Greg: You know, I have to admit, when I first started out, I was more of a Facebook guy myself because it’s more social. Yeah. But… That said, we had a speaker as a part of the Academy for the National Speakers Association talking about how LinkedIn does its algorithms and how it’s completely different than pretty much all the other social media sites, at least as of this recording. 

But it is really designed to encourage conversations. And that is something that I think is truly special because it rewards you for putting out information that encourages conversation and developing relationships through conversation is what networking is all about. 

27:00 So, you know, you can get on there and you can have conversations, you know, like there’s a gentleman here in Detroit, Terry Bean, who’s an expert in networking also.

Lori: I love Terry Bean. Terry Bean. Isn’t he awesome? Look him up. He’s like networking king of Detroit. Yeah. 

Greg; But he’ll put out an article there and I can say, oh, Terry, yeah, this is awesome. And here’s something else. And hey, have you considered this aspect? And he’ll get back to me and there’ll be this conversation going, which can actually, despite the fact that it’s an asynchronous mechanism, we’re not talking in real time, it can create stronger connections. So that’s the first thing I would say is when you’re on LinkedIn, be looking for conversations that you can have. 

Lori: Engage, make comments, participate. 

28:00 Greg: It’s not enough to lurk. You have to be there. And honestly, I would say that about any aspect of networking, you have to engage. When you become part of a group, you can’t just put your name on the roles. You have to show up. You have to participate. If you’re a part of a larger group, look for opportunities to serve in that group. You can get on committees and leadership and whatever, because that’s what makes you a part of the group. 

And that’s why you want to limit the number of groups that you’re a part of. I’ve talked to people and said, so how many groups are you a part of? I’m on this and this. If you go past one hand’s worth of fingers, you’re on too many groups.

Lori: So five is the max I’m taking? Five is the max? 

Greg: I would actually say three. If you’re part of more than three, you cannot fully invest yourself in that group. You’re barely making it. So yeah, I would say three is the max you should ever be a part of. 

Lori: Well, I like what you said about investing in the group because that’s the other thing that I think gets lost is you don’t go out networking, meeting this meeting, that meeting, this meeting, that meeting, you select those groups.

29:00  And I’ll give you some examples, chamber of commerce. If you find the chamber of commerce is a good source for you, then invest in that chamber of commerce, go to their events, go to their breakfast, go to the open houses. You know, when they, when they do a new grand opening for a business in your, you know, in your town.

Because what will happen is you’ll eventually get to know a whole bunch of people that do the same thing, that are regular attendees at the events. And pretty soon, you know, 30, 40 people. You might not know them really well, but you know each other. You know what each other does. You could pick up the phone and call and they’d say hello. 

And that is what it means to invest in a group, right? Even get on a committee, get on the board of directors. 

Greg: Yes. Participate in it. Most chambers have what they call like an ambassador corps or a welcome committee or whatever, and whose sole purpose is to act in the role of hosts at events, or they go out and meet the new members or whatever it is. But those are so easy to get into. And you’ve suddenly surrounded yourself with people who are firmly connected to networking. 

30:00 When I first started my network, web development business, I joined the Ann Arbor Chamber and became a part of their ambassador corps. And I actually got work directly from one of the other ambassadors because he heard what I did and said, hey, I’ve got a client who needs your services. Can I connect the two of you? And it was a great job. But that’s because we were suddenly serving in a common capacity. And that makes a stronger connection. 

Lori: And it also, I think, elevates your personal brand when people see you out there doing things. You’re a doer. You’re a member of the community. You can be counted on. So when they do have a business need or know somebody who does have a business need with something that you create or provide, they’re going to think about you. Because not only do they know who you are, but they know that you’re out there making stuff happen. That’s huge.

31:00 When I was in my 20s, I was in the Women’s Advertising Club of Detroit. It doesn’t exist anymore, unfortunately. But the Women’s Ad Club, I was probably 23 years old because, again, David Laster, Lori, go join this club, go to the meetings, get on the board.

 And I did their e-newsletter. And I did their, not e-newsletter, I did their paper newsletter. What am I saying? It was a paper newsletter that we mailed out, stapling and putting labels and postage on. I’ll never forget it because there would be hundreds of them and I’d be sitting there watching TV putting these together, mailing them out. 

Greg: Did you at least have the sticker postage?

Lori: Yes, thank God. Thank God they were sticky. But what happened as a result is I always knew what was going on because people would send me their stories. And I also learned how to produce a newsletter. And I had samples. So when I went to my next job, I could say, see what I’ve done. 

32:00 And anything that you can do that you’ve never done before that can help you develop skills, a lot of the chambers of commerce, those organizations will give you a chance to do that, to do public speaking, to set up a scholarship program and run the scholarship program with judging committees and Anything that you can do like that is going to elevate your skills to, you know, give you something to go on your resume. So it’s not always just about contacts either. It can be about skills. So love that part.

All right. Let’s talk about networking across generations, social status, gender divides. Your website says that you can teach someone to bridge the status, bridge the status gap with anyone despite differences in age, social status or gender. How does what does that mean and how do you do it? 

33:00 Greg: Well, OK, here’s the thing. You know, everyone I’ve had people ask me, you know, how do you how do I how do I network with millennials? Or how do I network with Gen Xers? Yeah. 

Lori: Gen Alpha’s coming up. They’re crazy. 

Greg: Gen Alphas or whatever they are. They’re 12. They’re 12 right now. That’s my daughter, apparently. 

So my response is you can’t. Yeah. You cannot network with a group. You network with individuals, right? Individuals have their own individual needs, their desires, their goals, their dreams. That is how you network with them. Yeah. You know, you’re sitting next to them on the bus. Guess what? They’re human beings also. Yeah. And they’re going to be far more likely.

34:00 If I’m chatting with the CEO of a company and I’m trying to connect with the CEO of a company, I’m not going to because I’m connecting with a position. Yeah. But if I’m connecting with Sally Fox, who’s a grandmother who just took her grandkids to Disney World, and we can share that common experience of going to Disney World with kids, that’s a connection.

We connect as human beings. And so any conversations we have should be about our human experience. That’s how we connect, regardless of the barriers of social strata. 

Lori: Yeah, it does make a difference if you’re sitting there talking to someone and in your mind you’re going, they’re CEO, they’re CEO, they’re CEO. Then you’re not focused. You’re not there. You’re intimidated. Why?

35:00 Greg: Here’s nerd boy here. I every year go to a science fiction convention. And one year we were down in Atlanta. And one year I was there and was waiting in line for breakfast. And a, okay, I’ll just say the name. It was George Takei. got in line next to me. And I just started chatting with him. And it was funny because he wasn’t this huge, scary guy. He was talking about how he was worried because there was a hurricane coming in and whether he was going to be able to make it home to Los Angeles.

And it’s like, no, these are real people with real needs and real concerns. Stop treating them as if they’re on a pedestal. Most of us, you know, it’s funny. As a speaker, people sometimes think I’m this celebrity. I’m not. I’m a human being. But then the funny thing is, I remember seeing speakers and thinking they were the ones on the pedestal. But it’s not true. We’re none of us. 

And I’m sure, Lori, people think, oh, she’s got her own podcast. She’s work mom. But no, you’re a human being just like us. You have those challenges that you face on a daily basis. And if we can connect in that way, It stops being about the celebrity. It stops being about the pedestal. It starts being about us as human beings working together. 

36:00 Lori: And I would even say that if you’re an older person and looking at a younger person and feeling like, oh, they’re too young, they wouldn’t be interested in what I had to say. Or if you’re a younger person looking at an older person and feeling it, it’s the same sentiment, the same concern. 

And if you drop that, drop the labels and just look at making a friend, making a connection, creating a strong, positive relationship. And you’re not going to do that with everybody. It’s not going to always be a fit. But in a lot of cases, you’ll find something you have in common.

It’s, you know, it was one of the things I used to say in sales is give me 10 minutes with anybody from the ages of six to 90. I will figure out in just a few minutes what we have in common. Could be golfing, which I don’t golf, but maybe they do and they want to talk about it. So I’ll listen.

37:00 Greg: I had a great conversation with a guy one time. You know, I talk about, you should ask people about what they do both for a living and for, for fun. The follow-up question is how long have you been doing that? Which still seems like kind of limiting, but if they’ve been doing something for longer than three years, ask them what’s changed. Because there’s chances are there’s, if it’s been three years, something has changed. And they quite often have a very strong opinion about it.

I talked with a guy about kite flying. I don’t fly kites myself. I mean, I did when I was a little kid, but he’s an adult. He was an accountant, as I remember. And I asked him, what do you like to do for fun? And he said, I like to fly kites. Really? How long have you been doing that? Oh, since I was a kid. Oh, really? Has anything really changed? He was so excited and passionate to talk about all the hobby of kite flying. It became so much fun. And I learned so much about him as a person. 

38:00 Lori: Nice. Yeah, that’s how to do it. So what do you do for fun? I mean, you can always ask that. Always. What do you do for fun? And people love to talk. So if you’re a reluctant networker that’s an introvert, you have the amazing skill of listening that most of us don’t have, like me. I like to talk. I love to talk. I’m working on my listening skills. 

So if you’re an introvert and you want to, you know, you have that amazing ability. Ask questions and let them talk. Everybody loves to talk about themselves. 

Greg: Yes. Very much so. And that’s my recommendation also is don’t worry about what you’re going to say. Worry about what you’re going to ask. 

Lori: Oh, that’s great. That’s like stellar advice. So any other final advice you’d like to parlay to our audience before we wrap up?

Greg: I would say the most important aspect, the thing to keep in mind at all times is your success in every aspect of your life is directly connected to how well you have created your network. Yeah. The lone wolf doesn’t survive. 

39:00

Despite the fact our movies and our cultural media shows the lone wolf as being the guy who always ends up victorious in the end, it’s not true in real life. I mean, if you have the greatest ideas in the world, but you have no one to share them with and no one to walk with you on the path, nothing will get done. It will be wasted ideas. 

So the whole idea of making connections, this is how you make success in your life and beyond that. how you make your life significant. 

Absolutely. If you don’t have a community around you, are you really living? That’s what I’m saying. I’m all about my community though. So Greg, tell us how people can keep in touch with you, access your resources. Tell us how to get in touch. 

Greg: Well, you can always access me through my website at thereluctantnetworker.com. And I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn. That’s where I do live most of my social media time. 

40:00

Lori: I love it. So Greg, thank you so much for being here and thank you to our audience for joining us. Again, my name is Lori Jo Vest. Our website is workmomsays.com. We have a contact form there. We would love to hear from you. Tell us what you’d like us to talk about. If you have suggestions for guests, we’d love to hear that too. And I am also an open networker on LinkedIn. So if you connect with me there, just mention that you listened to the Work Mom Says podcast and that’s what we’ve got. Take care. Thank you so much for joining us. We’ll be back soon.

Who is our ideal listener?

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

 

What value can people get from listening to this podcast?

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

                                                                                                     

Why do I do this? A few more words from Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.