If you’re like most people, I’d bet that you believe difficult conversations are to be avoided.

We all know the feeling. Somebody’s doing something that’s not working. It could be a coworker who isn’t very gracious, a staff member who won’t follow process, or a customer who wants more than you can give. And we know we have to talk about it, but we just don’t want to.

“They’ll get really mad,” we muse.

“What if they misunderstand what I’m trying to say and there’s a big argument?” we ask.

Or, even worse, “what if they never want to work with me again?”

I’m consulting for a web developer who, while he’s a fantastic designer and programmer, isn’t at all comfortable managing overblown customer expectations. I’ll call him Bill.

When customers ask for revision after revision on a project that should have been done weeks before, he struggles with asking them for the additional budget to cover the hours it takes to do the work.

What happens next? He gets frustrated and miffed that the customer is asking for more work than they’re willing to pay for.

Bill brought me in to help set up processes that would inform the customer of what they need to do to start a project, as well as demonstrate how to handle customers who are going over budget.

What he’s learned is that it’s actually very simple. When the latest round of changes came through for a website he’s been working on for several weeks, the client email was basically a cut-and-paste of several people’s input, including several disparate opinions and suggestions. Figuring out which of these items to implement was a puzzle.

We crafted an optimistic, straightforward email response requesting that the agency assign one of their project managers to wrangle the missing details and get final answers, as well as informing them of the budget overages that would be necessary to complete the job. (We even offered the project management services, for an hourly rate, if they needed that.)

The response from the client? Very upbeat. And while they’re not through making changes, they know that all hours spent on the project moving forward are billable. Bill’s happy and his client is happy.

Why was it so easy? Because it usually is. Here’s why you can drop your fear when it comes to difficult conversations with customers.

You won’t have to fret. It’s easy to create a scenario in your head that leaves you shaking in your boots. In Bill’s case, he was worried the customer would get angry or worse, stop working with him, if he confronted the difficulties. The time spent mulling over what “might” happen isn’t productive and just increases your feelings of unease.

Problems can be solved. Once Bill presented what he needed in a friendly and professional manner, the client was more than happy to provide him with what he needed AND they will pay for the ongoing revisions, so Bill isn’t working hours that aren’t billable. (And if they balked at paying for the extra hours needed, should Bill really be working for them for free?)

Relationships can be strengthened. When Bill decided to have a straightforward exchange with his customer, he took responsibility for his side of the vendor-client relationship. Authentic, bonded relationships happen when both sides can speak their truths.

Yes, difficult conversations can be painful. We want to run and hide, rather than taking that angry phone call or asking our coworker to step up their work efforts. Though if we avoid them, we miss the opportunity to make things better.

What about you? I’d love to hear about a difficult conversation you’ve had and how things worked out.