00:00.00 Heather Coleman_Voss And was thought thinking you were going to come back and when you didn't then I just stopped so was there a certain place. No. 00:05.41 lorijovest We'll get. We'll make it work put it that Way. So um, one more green flag and then we'll move on to a little bit about strengthening how to protect yourself How to recognize the things that you're doing that may be causing you to stay in that environment So Green Flags. Um. 00:21.24 Heather Coleman_Voss Well and a big one is does it seem like people can have fun together there you know? Love yeah, genuine fun like not and and that people talk nicely about each other you know like of course there's always going to be something that pops up here and there was somebody stressed about a situation but it's not um. 00:28.70 lorijovest Genuinely. 00:40.62 Heather Coleman_Voss It's not in a way where you are like trying to destroy. Someone's character. Let's say you know so a situation might be oh I'm so frustrated. You know so-andso didn't me the deadline and said oh I can't do this. That's 1 thing but to be but then to get over it and then move on um, people who. 00:54.44 lorijovest So yeah, yeah. 00:59.22 Heather Coleman_Voss Talk Well about other people are talking well about you and people who talk poorly about other people are talking poorly about you but but yeah, just just just kind of an easiness and in the workplace and a supportiveness you know green flag would be like I'm a little overwhelmed and you saying is there something I can take on to help you out. 01:04.17 lorijovest Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:18.80 Heather Coleman_Voss Those are the kind of cultures we want to be in kindness. 01:19.15 lorijovest Yeah, absolutely I had ah I had thought of making the suggestion that you see if you can find someone who used to work there and and see if they will who used to work. There is the key and. 01:29.67 Heather Coleman_Voss Yes, and. 01:37.17 lorijovest Unfortunately, that can backfire on you as it did me, you want to hear this one. It's hilarious. It's short. Um I called a guy that I knew on Facebook I'd never met him in person. But I I knew him well on Facebook as far as engaging with each other fairly regularly and we were both in social media and I was going to this small agency and I'm changing the names to protect. 01:39.19 Heather Coleman_Voss That that the. 01:56.60 lorijovest Innocent but I said hey I saw you work there for about nine months and he had moved on to a great big company. This was a smaller agency so I figured he moved on because it was a bigger company and I said so tell me tell me what it was like to work there because I I got an offer and I'm making my last you know decision making kind of thought process is is happening. What do you think. And he said oh well I cannot say anything bad about Mark and Susan. I think about it. It was that it was a shit show I wonder if he didn't sign an agreement and he couldn't say anything bad about them and ah and I've also heard another one that. 02:32.87 Heather Coleman_Voss I'll get oh I it was he was like. 02:40.59 lorijovest Ah, well you could do a lot worse. Oh you could do a lot worse than going there any responses like that that that if you and I don't think it's a bad idea to call and ask for references of people that used to work there and also look at their glass door in their indeed reviews because that. 02:45.54 Heather Coleman_Voss No hey. 02:58.93 lorijovest To me. Um, the ones that are kind of messed up. You'll see five five star reviews and then you'll see onestar reviews and then you know it's kind of manipulated right? so. 03:04.81 Heather Coleman_Voss Um, yeah, yeah, that's true that is absolutely true. You know like there's always going to be people. Everybody's different. Some people like certain places. Some people don't sometimes there's a disgruntled employee employer e. But if there's a trend take notice. Another thing you can do in addition to what you suggested which are both amazing. Suggestions is go on to Linkedin look up the company and then search and see who used to work there or who currently works there and how long they have worked there and kind of get in a feel for those people too because. You know, um, that's another strategy and I yeah and I agree with you I am so tired of these and you know how I get mouthy on Facebook everyone's well I'm very tired of these employers employers always wanting people's references. How about you give me some references I want some references from your past employees. 03:43.30 lorijovest Yeah, longevity. Yeah. 03:49.82 lorijovest Oh me too. 04:01.78 Heather Coleman_Voss You know, um because I think that is a toxic practice in and of itself. Especially when they ask you for your current boss as a reference I Think that's a big red flag and I I told my clients you know. 04:11.88 lorijovest That's just dumb. Oh that's huge. 04:18.31 Heather Coleman_Voss Absolutely like you can say I have absolutely no problem with that if I decide to take your offer you can, but before that because that again going back to the story you were telling earlier. Can you just that. That's what happens they find out, you're looking and if you have an abusive narcissistic boss Now you're going to get targeted. 04:22.70 lorijovest Exactly. So. 04:35.88 lorijovest Exactly yeah good ideas. Okay, so let's um, how can you if you're an empathic person like so many of us um, setting boundaries and limits and giving up those people pleasing behaviors can be really hard. Um. 04:38.15 Heather Coleman_Voss So. 04:51.30 Heather Coleman_Voss Sure. 04:54.12 lorijovest Any tips on how you can actually recognize those things in yourself so that you so you don't get stuck because one of the things that I've noticed in those kinds of companies is there are certain people in those environments that get stuck and you look at them and they're beaten down by the narcissist. 05:05.70 Heather Coleman_Voss E. 05:11.19 lorijovest But they're still there 6 years ten years twelve years later and you know that they're that they don't realize that they could go somewhere where they were treated much better. So yeah. 05:18.00 Heather Coleman_Voss Right? Because over time you learn to believe that inner critic and the inner critic All that is is any abuse that's been projected into you So You're not good Enough. You'll never nobody. Another company will ever hire. You. You know all those kind of things like you know you just don't care about your work level bless that comes same thing as no one else would ever wants you. You know you're a psycho. Whatever they say right? like whatever it is depending on the relationship. So I do an exercise with my clients that sounds a little cheesy but it helps. 05:37.60 lorijovest Yeah, okay. 05:49.47 lorijovest Yeah, yeah, yep. 05:55.10 Heather Coleman_Voss So much and I have some videos on my Tiktok about this but doing that inner critic versus inner voice work. So what we do is. It's just a simple Microsoft word table. 2 columns what does the inner critics say to you, you're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You'll never make it. This is as good as ever gonna get right. So you're not good enough. Inner voice loves you and her voice is the nurturing voice who knows you the best who always wants the best for you and we don't use that inner voice a lot in this society we that inner critic is always there right? So the reframe. You're not good enough. You. Are a wonderfully talented individual. No one else would ever want to hire you many companies would be happy and proud to have me on staff and so we just kind of do that and it takes a while. Um, but I have my clients come up with as many as they can. Put it on your fridge or put it on your phone like whatever you need to do to see this and then eventually you know and you're just working so every time those thoughts pop in your head you immediately inner voice immediately inner voice comes in and it takes an effort but after a while my clients will just delete that inner critic and they just work on the inner voice stuff. 07:01.81 lorijovest Right? Oh yeah. 07:09.19 Heather Coleman_Voss And then pretty soon because I this still happens to me I still have the inner critic puff up. But then that I can just do a quick reframe and then I tell my clients sometimes it's fun to name them like okay Chad he. 07:25.11 lorijovest Ah, oh God I Love that I Love that all right buddy That's enough I Like to say all right? Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing. We can move on now. Okay, you're just full of it. You know because it's so true that we. 07:28.99 Heather Coleman_Voss You're not good enough. Okay Chad. Yeah yeah, right. 07:42.29 lorijovest We are our own worst critics and that's a big part of complex Ptsd is that harsh harsh inner Critic you'll take on the voice of that parent that that you know criticized you your entire childhood and you'll do it for them because that's kind of how our our minds. Our brains are wired. 07:45.57 Heather Coleman_Voss It is. 07:55.74 Heather Coleman_Voss Okay. 08:00.97 lorijovest Based on past experiences so this has been amazing I Really really appreciate it. This is going to be a long podcast. Um, and Heather tell us where people can find your information and I'll also post it on the website so that people can reach you where would you like them to get in touch with you. 08:14.76 Heather Coleman_Voss Oh think thank you so much. Oh this has been my pleasure I will come back whenever you want to continue these discussions I would love to do this again? Yeah um, and thank you to everybody listening you can find me at my website which is Chris. 08:22.61 lorijovest Awesome. 08:32.33 Heather Coleman_Voss Http://careersavvycoaching.com, that's 2 vs http://careersavvycoaching.com and on there you will see options for career coaching packages life coaching packages or I do some one on ones not that's not in-depth coaching on all the links are in the website. Um, if you sign up for career coaching discovery call. It's a 30 minute free call and that's where we will go ahead and you know talk about your situation see if we're a good fit and if we wanted to get you into new workplace and then you can find me on all the platforms. But that my primary platform that i'm. On the most right now is Tiktok. So Heather Coleman vos on Tiktok and then if you'd like to be by follow me on Facebook you're more than welcome to do that as well. That's where Laurie Joe and I've been friends for so many years. So. 09:17.39 lorijovest I know I like to say that um, if you want to if you think you might be in a situation with a narcissist and sometimes it's hard to tell um, keep an eye on Heather's tiktoks because you will start to recognize oh my god my boss does that. 09:33.21 Heather Coleman_Voss Um, it's really. 09:37.39 lorijovest Or oh my God My husband does that and I've done a lot of research. It's really helpful and makes you feel not crazy because Narcissist can make you feel like you're absolutely stark raving nuts and you're not they are but they're really manipulative. So here's to overcoming our inclinations to. 09:42.52 Heather Coleman_Voss She has. 09:48.88 Heather Coleman_Voss In him. 09:56.80 lorijovest The narcissist and taking care of ourselves instead. Um, thank you so much for listening to work. Mom says don't be an idiot and we have a contact form on the website I would love to hear from you if you have a guest you'd like to suggest if you think you have a great idea. You'd like to talk about that would be of interest. 09:58.30 Heather Coleman_Voss Yes. 10:14.86 lorijovest To young professionals in the workplace. Um, or if you want to nominate your worst boss. We'd love to hear about that too. So the contact form has all kinds of great information that I'd like to hear from you So please use that we'll be back soon. Take care. Thank. 10:28.82 Heather Coleman_Voss Take.